BREAKING: ILMA O’MAR HIT WITH “REMOVAL & DEPORTATION NOTICE” FAXED FROM UNKNOWN GAS STATION PRINTER

Washington was thrown into theatrical chaos this morning when staffers discovered an “order for consideration of removal and disqualification” taped crookedly to the entrance of Representative Ilma O’Mar’s office — printed on low-quality thermal paper and smelling faintly of diesel.

The document, which investigators have already confirmed came from a 24-hour gas station fax machine in rural Nebraska, bears the official-looking but completely fabricated seal of the United States Department of Very Serious Affairs.

Officials quickly noted several irregularities:

The word “Government” was spelled “Goverment.”

The signature line read: “Signed, The Big Boss.”

The return address was simply: “Behind the dumpster, ask for Ron.”

Despite this, the dramatic language of the notice caused a brief stir online, especially the closing statement:

“Effective immediately, you is hereby removed, deported, and no longer allowed to use office snacks.”

Security footage reportedly shows a mysterious figure in a hoodie attempting to slide the paper under the office door but failing repeatedly for almost two minutes. At one point, the figure can be seen stepping on the document, picking it up, and blowing on it like a Nintendo cartridge.

A spokesperson for O’Mar released a statement calling the incident “a creative writing assignment gone wrong,” adding:

“We recommend future pranksters consider better ink quality.”

Congressional staffers across both parties have responded in typical fashion:
Democrats laughed.
Republicans pretended not to laugh.
And one independent senator asked whether he could “get one of those notices too, for fun.”

Authorities are currently searching for the suspect, described only as “a man who purchased beef jerky, two scratch-offs, and asked the cashier if the fax machine could send documents ‘straight to Congress.’”

More updates pending — unless the fax machine melts first.

Washington was thrown into theatrical chaos this morning when staffers discovered an “order for consideration of removal and disqualification” taped crookedly to the entrance of Representative Ilma O’Mar’s office — printed on low-quality thermal paper and smelling faintly of diesel.

The document, which investigators have already confirmed came from a 24-hour gas station fax machine in rural Nebraska, bears the official-looking but completely fabricated seal of the United States Department of Very Serious Affairs.

Officials quickly noted several irregularities:

The word “Government” was spelled “Goverment.”

The signature line read: “Signed, The Big Boss.”

The return address was simply: “Behind the dumpster, ask for Ron.”

Despite this, the dramatic language of the notice caused a brief stir online, especially the closing statement:

“Effective immediately, you is hereby removed, deported, and no longer allowed to use office snacks.”

Security footage reportedly shows a mysterious figure in a hoodie attempting to slide the paper under the office door but failing repeatedly for almost two minutes. At one point, the figure can be seen stepping on the document, picking it up, and blowing on it like a Nintendo cartridge.

A spokesperson for O’Mar released a statement calling the incident “a creative writing assignment gone wrong,” adding:

“We recommend future pranksters consider better ink quality.”

Congressional staffers across both parties have responded in typical fashion:


Democrats laughed.
Republicans pretended not to laugh.
And one independent senator asked whether he could “get one of those notices too, for fun.”

Authorities are currently searching for the suspect, described only as “a man who purchased beef jerky, two scratch-offs, and asked the cashier if the fax machine could send documents ‘straight to Congress.’”

More updates pending — unless the fax machine melts first.